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Dear Zombie Apocalypse, Can You Raise My Kids for Me?

The Finale of the Zombie Apocalypse Saga

As she’s filling out her Bumble profile she begins writing her bio. In it she writes “I’m 43. I have two kids. One’s 21 and the other’s 14. They’re both idiots who love Minecraft. I’m an alchemist and a goth kid. I’ve been like this since the nineties. I love it. Oh, a random fact about me is that my son said I’m a very attractive mom.” For her profile picture, she put a picture of herself with her kids.

“Mom let me look at this. Let me see,” the mom, Freya, gives her laptop to her daughter Selene, so she could look it over. “Mom. This doesn’t work. WE NEED TO GET RID OF IT ALL.” 

As she begins to erase, her mom protests. “Selene no. How will they know it’s me if you’re writing it all?”

Selene takes a pause from rewriting and tells her mom “because mom, I know you. Like really well. So trust me, mom.” 

Five minutes later, after a lot of editing, Selene asks her mom to read it. The Bumble bio reads “Hi my name is Freya. I’m a 43-year-old divorcee as well as a mother of two who is ready to get back in the dating game again. A fun fact about me is that I’m a pagan goth and have been since I was in high school.”

“Mom. Is this version okay? I can remake it again if you don’t like it.” Selene asked with a tone of this should work right?

“Yeah, this works.” said the mom as she pressed the submit button and her profile was uploaded and now in “the game”. 

After three weeks of swiping left and swiping right, she finally found someone she liked, a 45-year-old They/Them with one kid. They began talking online and getting to know each other. Eventually, their first date rolled around. They each got dressed in some more or less casual clothes. 

As they met up in the car park behind the film theatre they decided which film they were going to watch: a horror film called “The Invisible Man”. They were both total horror film geeks. 

After the film was over they began discussing where to go and eat. They eventually chose to just go to some Italian restaurant and call it a day. They talked, and they ate, and ultimately, they had to go their separate ways. 

Fast-forward to one year later. 

“The Inmortuorum Virus is nearing a conclusion. The vaccine has been developed and currently, more than half the population in the world has been vaccinated, but it has not been approved for those under the age of 8. The United Nations has decided that zombies will be killed, and their corpses cremated as a way to make sure that this virus won’t ever resurface. Of course, their cremated remains will be given back to families. If that isn’t possible they will be buried in a local cemetery. That’s all for today.” The reporter finished talking as the news segment ended. The two lovebirds were cuddling on the couch. The kids sat on the floor disgusted by what was behind them. 

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